Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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