Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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