Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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