Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
