He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i think my mom watched the whole time
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
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You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
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LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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