from now on my penis is your penis
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
