Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
