I showed him my bush... on skype.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
