ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
