Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
