Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
