That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
