You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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