i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
