I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
