Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sorry my hands just texted you
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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