I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
