she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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