Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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