70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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