just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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