guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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