you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
