He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
