he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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