I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
