I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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