My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
