I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
