Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
