I'm really into asian looking animals
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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