THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
