we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
