After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
