Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
