apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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