You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
