You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
