i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The best revenge is premature balding
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
