I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
