The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
