So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize