shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
