at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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