you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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