just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
