i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
