take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
