He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
