I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Non-Jews are for practice
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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