I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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