don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
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Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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