careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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