i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
