I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
