LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
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if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
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That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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