How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
