Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
