he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
