I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
