Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
