Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
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I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
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I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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