Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(208): View more from Idaho

I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?

Fav 7 2026 921
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(970): View more from Colorado

If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.

Fav 6 1129 3498
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(313): View more from Michigan

Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.

Fav 11 1287 4788
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(586): View more from Michigan

he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.

Fav 12 1790 3710
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(719): View more from Colorado

dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it

Fav 9 1320 2996
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(614): View more from Ohio

Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.

Fav 15 4311 1771
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(252): View more from North Carolina

Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0

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(310): View more from California

This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails

(310): View more from California

I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me

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