Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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