i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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