ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
