Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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