just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
