So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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