My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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