Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
