woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
