David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
