Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just want to make out with him forever
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
