I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
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She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
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I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
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