Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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