Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
