yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
