So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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