she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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