Swine flu. Run for my life!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
