Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
